What’s the proper protocol?

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Dear Editor,

I once read somewhere that Peter MacKay did not like his political father, Elmer MacKay, but I now suspect it was the reverse. Why? Because Peter MacKay, the little boy from Canada’s East coast is becoming an insufferable little prig from some genetic predisposition.

His handling of the Burton Winters case is the most inept in rescue history, but it’s all due to protocol, maybe, not certain, but he’ll take a look at it.

“This wasn’t a matter of the military not responding,” MacKay said. “There is a protocol that was followed. Now that protocol, in fact, between RCMP, ground search, the province, and in this case the military, may have to be reviewed. And that’s what I have committed to Premier (Kathy) Dunderdale, is that we will look at improving this protocol, looking at perhaps the call-back procedure.”

Get real, man. Searchers on the ground can only do so much. So they call for military search and rescue but mechanical problems made both helicopters inoperable when the call for help came in? So common sense assumes once a copter gets repaired, it will immediately take to the air to find Burton Winters? Right?

No, that’s too sensible.

No, the crew waits for a second request from the petrified searchers on the ground. Why? Because that’s proper protocol. Peter, go read Joseph Heller’s Catch 22 about bureaucratic absurdity and then talk all that gibberish about changing protocol or maybe not or possibly but being not yet determined.

While you ponder a future solution, appoint some military type to keep tally on lives lost.

Benefit of the doubt? Maybe, but there was no doubt about his punk-like attempts to entrap his critic Scott Simms who roundly lambasted him for his illegal use of a Search and Rescue Cormorant helicopter to get off the Gander River in July 2010. Little Pete would have denied the whole affair from start to finish. Unfortunately, his big yellow bird ride was duly recorded by a fellow salmon fisher on his cell phone, showing Peter boarding the helicopter and taking off.

That guy then whacked that video on You Tube.

That happened in 2010.

In January 2011, the Tory horde was ordered to dig up some dirt on MacKay’s critic and nemesis, MP Scott Simms. Finally someone discovers Mr. Simms had also taken a ride, but it was at the invitation of MacKay’s office, so that Mr. Simms could get a feel for the work Search and Rescue carries out.

The whole scenario is so weird and much like a spy spoof out of a Get Smart episode or Get Simms episode.

Why not merge the two scripts, one from the Get Smart series and the movie script for The Pink Panther. Little Peter MacKay could play both Max Smart and Peter Sellers and dash about wearing a Sherlock Holmes knock-off hat from China while sneaking up on various innocents and shouting unnecessarily in a pseudo English accent “I got you, old Chap. It’s off to Newgate for you, laddie and it’s off to the great Gander River for me. Ta-ta, chappies.”

Wait. Wait just one moment, Minister. Just one little suggestion, Mr. Minister. I know you like to write and direct your own scripts from your fertile imagination, but let’s re-run that last action again as you say ta-ta and are about to dash off to the Great Gander. But this time, try not to sashay as much.

Maintain the insouciant voice tone but keep your body more rigid, more in character, more like a daunting defense minister.

Oh well, one other thing. I didn’t want to say it but that horrid dress will just have to go. Scottie, off to the supply stores on base and get Peter a pair of military brigs to complement his deer stalker’s hat and his large magnifying glass.

He must be in character, no matter how alien it might feel. The play’s the thing you know.

Aubrey Smith

Grand Falls-Windsor

Organizations: Dear Editor, RCMP, Tory

Geographic location: Canada, Gander River, China

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